Last year, I blogged about my mother being "my first hypnotist." I shared this concept with a friend of mine who is the mother of a three-year-old. A light bulb went off in her head. She said, "Holy sh*t, do you mean I am my son's first hypnotist?"
That's correct! If you're a mother or a caregiver, everything you do, don't do, say, and don't say has the power to go right through the "critical faculty." The "critical faculty" is part of the brain that evaluates all the information presented and decides what gets through to the unconscious mind and what gets kicked out.
If you tell your children how amazing they are and they hear it enough, those thoughts will become a part of their programming. Likewise, if you say to your children they aren't wanted and are an inconvenience to you, those thoughts will become a part of their programming.
Non-verbal communication is just as effective, if not more so. If you revolve your world around your children, they'll understand they're unique and wanted. If you make yourself unavailable to your children consistently, they'll get the idea they aren't wanted.
Now...the extremes of these aren't good either. Constantly telling your children how amazing they are gives them a reason to believe the world revolves around them, and goodness knows we've all seen the little self-centered monsters created from that scenario. But on the other hand, a complete lack of parenting is just as detrimental. A few minutes of watching the news will show you this.
To be a great Mom-notist, you must help your children find a healthy balance between the two extremes. So here are three "Mom-Nosis" phrases to help guide your children into doing what you want them to do now while showing them to become productive, independent adults.
1) Every time you ____________, notice how you _______________.
For these examples, let's use "cleaning your room" or "doing your homework" because these seem to be what children get asked the most.
Every time you clean your room, notice how you feel more confident because you're much more organized.
Every time you do your homework, see yourself becoming smarter.
Every time you clean your room, notice how you sleep more soundly because everything is in place and put away.
You want your children to clean their room and do their homework, but they don't see any benefits to these actions. Using the phrase above, you're giving a subtle command and then showing the benefits they'll receive.
2) Will you ____________ now, or ______________ later?
Will you clean your room now, or will you clean your room later?
Will you do your homework now, or will you do your homework later?
The implication is that you're giving your child a choice, but you're hiding it because they will clean their room and do their homework. The only alternative is doing it now or doing it later. They will do it.
3) The more ____________________, the more _______________________.
The more you clean your room, the more pride you take in yourself and your surroundings.
The more homework you finish, the more fun you'll have this weekend.
The more homework you complete, the better your chances of getting into a good college.
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